The necessary

We’re back in Manchester again. Clinical trial dosing day. Sometimes it seems to come round really quickly. And today I really didn’t want to come.

There’s a bug doing the rounds at the moment. Pudding had it last week and very kindly passed it onto me. It wiped me out completely on Friday (Hubby said that he knew I was ill as I wasn’t even going on Facebook) and I expected to feel better the next day. But I didn’t. Or the next day. Or Monday. No awful symptoms, just feeling bloated and spacey and draggingly tired.

The thought of setting off on the train and spending a long day in hospital today was about as welcome as…well I’m sure you can think of something. I checked with the ward hoping that they would say not to come, but they didn’t.

A couple of people asked whether I’d be better just staying at home and missing the dose, and oh I was so tempted. But I couldn’t ignore that little voice in my head. The one that reminds me how important this treatment is. The one that whispers how lucky we are. The one that warns we may not have too many other doses left to us if it doesn’t get approved or funded.

So I’m here. And coping.

We do what we have to, don’t we? All parents do. We get out of bed. We make sure they’re clean and fed. We nag them about homework. We stand by the side of a pitch in the rain. We travel across the country. And we hold them down for needles. Our own needs sometimes just have to take second place.

We do what is necessary.

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